


you say if i can't love myself then how the hell can i try to love you?

by spaceMaverick



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 10:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21116963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceMaverick/pseuds/spaceMaverick
Summary: Keith finished wrapping Hollis’ arm and putting away the first-aid kit. He started going through the after-cleaning routine: “How do you feel?”A shrug.“Do you want me to stay with you?”A nod.And the more tender question: “Do you still want to hurt yourself?”They didn’t move for a moment, but finally spoke. “Yes.”





	you say if i can't love myself then how the hell can i try to love you?

**Author's Note:**

> i dont graphically describe self harm wounds, but blood is mentioned  
title is from "perfectly out of place" by dreams we've had (this song explicitly talks about self harm jsyk)

The door to Hollis’ bedroom creaked as Keith pushed it open. The room was stuffy, window shade drawn and clothes piled on the floor. Under the loft bed was Jake, leaned against a sleeping Hollis on their weathered green couch. When Keith walked in, Jake looked up. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked exceptionally tired. Looking closer, Keith could see tear tracks on his cheeks.

“What happened?” Keith had gotten a message from Hollis about an hour ago, but he had been away from his pager and missed it.

Jake rubbed his eyes and sniffed. “Hollis hurt themself,” he mumbled. “They asked me to come over after you didn’t answer, and they just started crying…” He was trembling slightly, watching Hollis sleep. Keith noticed now that their eye bags were worse than usual, and they were clutching their arm in their sleep. He dragged a hand down his face with a sigh.

“Okay,” he breathed, walking over and leaning over Hollis. He put a hand on their shoulder, gently shaking them. “Hey, Holl, wake up.” He shook them again until they opened their eyes, staring off into space for a moment before becoming more aware. They groaned and ran their fingers through their neon green hair, messing it up even more. “Jake gave me a quick run-down on what happened, but could you tell me what’s up?”

Hollis grimaced, but rolled up their left sleeve without a fuss. Keith kneeled in front of them to inspect the damage while Jake made a whining noise in the back of his throat and curled up to them. “These should be fine with regular first-aid stuff,” he said, mostly to himself considering Hollis’ experience with taking care of their self-inflicted wounds. He went across the hall into the bathroom and grabbed the kit under the sink, returning to the bedroom and unpacking the bandages and ointment. As he wiped down the dried blood on their arm, he noticed Hollis watching, intently focused on the cuts. “Hey, stop looking.” That was their favorite way to re-trigger themselves after cleaning up.

“Move so I can hug you,” Jake said. Hollis obliged and he wrapped his arms around their waist, pulling them close and distracting them from Keith’s work. He nodded a thanks to Jake, who gave a thumbs up and went back to snuggling Hollis.

Keith finished wrapping Hollis’ arm and putting away the first-aid kit. He started going through the after-cleaning routine: “How do you feel?”

A shrug.

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

A nod.

And the more tender question: “Do you still want to hurt yourself?”

They didn’t move for a moment, but finally spoke. “Yes.” Keith saw Jake shift just the slightest bit in discomfort. He felt bad for him; Jake so rarely dealt with Hollis’ self-harm, and hadn’t known them _nearly_ as long as Keith had. He didn’t have the same rhythm that Keith and Hollis had.

“Okay,” Keith said, sitting down on the other side of them and resting his head on their shoulder. The three of them laid there for a while, until Hollis fell asleep, their breathing deepening and body relaxing. Keith looked over Hollis and at Jake, who had half of his face buried in their chest. “They’re going to be okay,” Keith said.

“I know,” Jake replied, voice muffled by Hollis’ coat. “It’s just scary.” Keith hummed in agreement. “But I did hear this thing… that if you, like, listen to positive messages in your sleep, it helps reprogram your brain? If that makes sense.” He seemed to be thinking aloud, not really speaking to Keith, but at him. “‘Sposed to make you less… anxious. Or self-deprecating, or anything, really.” There was a short silence, and then Jake moved upward and whispered in Hollis’ ear, “I love you, Hollis.”

Keith echoed the statement. He pressed his forehead into his best friend and partner’s shoulder and reached across them to hold Jake’s hand. And in the comfortable, dark quiet of their nap, Hollis opened their eyes.

“I love you guys, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> yo why isnt jake/keith/hollis a recognized taaaaaaaaaaaaggg??????????????????????????? rip me  
also if the end isnt clear, hollis was awake the whole time  
lemme know if i should tag anything else! not just for triggers, but like anything i missed. i struggle to tag


End file.
